What we’re giving up in 2022: Faking it

We hope you all had a fantastic festive season and are enjoying a detoxing Jan. We did and now we’re back with a bang! (Only figuratively of course πŸ˜‰)

We all know the new year is a perfect time to reflect on our habits and behaviours and think about what we want to improve to aid our personal growth. We’re not really into the ‘New Year, New Me’ mantra as we don’t believe you need to become a whole new person every January 1st. However there are always things we can change to make our lives better and one thing we’re advocating this year, is that…

In 2022 we’re no longer faking it!!!

After a tough two years and with deep winter almost upon us (you know February is the real stone cold fox) we need all the help we can get to increase our happy hormones right now. So sexual dissatisfaction just won’t do.

If we are going to dismantle this heinous patriarchal choke hold we find ourselves in we need to understand it, so let’s first explore some of the reasons why women may fake it.

Since hetero sex was first invented some women have felt compelled (aka been mentally coerced) into prioritising and appeasing the fragile male ego. Fake moaning when he thinks he’s rearranging furniture but his equipment can’t even get him through the front door.

The concept of sexual gratification has for a long time been viewed from the masculine perspective often at the expense of the female’s pleasure. And the saddest part is, it’s such a common cliche we’re all too familiar with this movie scene: Where a guy, after flopping around on top of a woman for less than two minutes, reaches the moment of climax, moaning like a humped back whale and after collapsing, asks, as an after-thought “Did you cum?” Although I supposed we can give him some bonus points for even bothering to ask!

When he’s made absolutely no effort to even get you to the start line, how in the hell can he expect you to have finished the race at the same time? Some men’s lack of awareness of the female orgasm is depressingly laughable. But unfortunately women are the ones that are forced to pay the toll of sexual dissatisfaction for their ignorance/inability to put their women first.

And Missy Elliott said it first, 🎢we don’t want no, one minute man (whooo)!🎡 But do you know what’s worse than sex that’s over too fast? Sex that you wish was over already! When the sex is so disappointing that you pretend it’s the best you’ve ever had just to make it stop!

Well hear our cry! No more will we be silenced so as not to hurt their feelings. No more will we pretend we don’t enjoy sex, when the truth is we just don’t enjoy it with them. No more will we pretend “it’s just pee” when we know men who care about women’s pleasure can make us squirt! And no more will we be made to feel faking an orgasm is the lesser of two evils.

If your lover can’t get you there they need to know, and you need to feel empowered to let them know.

Here are some suggestions for How to tactfully tell your lover what you like…

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. No one is a mind reader so if there’s something you want to do, start with “So I have something that might be fun for us to try…”

When he touches you but is slightly south of where you want him, moan softly while saying “Yes, and here…” giving you an excuse to position his *insert body part* where you want it.

Men are like puppies, so if he’s doing something you enjoy reaffirm his ego and encourage him to keep doing it by giving him lots of praise (and tummy rubs) and if he gets it wrong, rub his nose (and tongue) in it!

If his jack hammer move is drilling you insane, next time play another slow jam and encourage him to move to the beat. Or in the perfect power move get on top and control the pace for yourself.

If you’re feeling confident enough, grab your sassiest leather/latex items of clothing and release your inner dom. Give him your list of orders, I’m betting he’ll be falling all over himself to make sure he follows every single command!

If God didn’t bless him with a big dick (never mind the energy), you may want to encourage your partner to focus on his other attributes, namely his fingers and his tongue. Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone so it’s good practice (whoever you’re with) to advocate for oral and digital stimulation. And we don’t mean only as a means of foreplay! Less lube (both store bought and natural) can create more friction so don’t be afraid to wipe away the excess. Also searching positions that create more friction/clitoral stimulation. One we enjoy is woman on top (who run the world) with your man sitting up and holding you as close as can be. Add a dab of stimulating clitoral gel and away you go! With valentines day around the corner you may want to treat you lover (but mainly yourself) to one of these sex toys for couples to add an extra dynamic to your sessions.

If your man is too hashtag blessed, sex may not be enjoyable because it’s a little painful. In this instance we recommend, extended foreplay to help get the juices flowing. Investing in a good water based lube (there are even some that can double as massage oil, giving you a perfect excuse to request a sensual massage). And you may want to also try breathing techniques, oxygenating your blood helps you to relax, be more present and can also have major benefits for your sexual pleasure.

Unfortunately for some no matter how hard you try to suggest, guide and cajole them, they may not have the ability to do what it do. So if your lover has failed to follow instructions and just ain’t hitting it right then do us all a favour and pick up your hoebag and go (to the left)! You’re well within your right to revoke his probation and thank him for services rendered (although you may want to report him to trading standards if he talked the talk before demonstrating he most definitely couldn’t walk the walk). Not everyone deserves a trophy just for participating!

To misquote Miss Marilyn, dildo’s are a girls best friend!

As nice as it can be to have a helping hand and a warm body to rely on sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we can do better ‘orgasms’ all by ourselves. And when we say by ourselves we mean with the aid of a sex toy (don’t you just love modern technology?!). There’s such a wide array of types to suit all appetites but we recommend investing in clitoral suction vibrators or you can even find toys that simulate cunnilingus. Yes you can get head without the headache! Or even the traditional wand to help massage your back and blow out your back – double the pleasure with half the stress! Need some inspiration? Black Honey Toys is a UK based black owned sex toy retailer. You’re welcome!

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