Finding Self-love

We all know that Valentine’s day is a couple days away, which is usually associated with showing your love.  It’s a competition to show how much you love someone and show your friends/family you’re in a relationship, no matter how toxic it may be. It’s a day where you declare, on social media, that you have someone who supports, uplifts and gives you all the attention you need. 

However, can we say the same thing when you’re single. How?  Through SELF-LOVE!

It’s the truest and purest form of love you’ll ever have, but it can take a lifetime to attain it. 

The definition of Self-love:

“Having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.  Defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage”, has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity” 


I think when we’re born, we all have a sense of what self- love may feel like, bliss and free, but as we grow the harsh realities of life stripes any ounce of love of self you developed, and fills  it with insecurities, detachment and self-hatred. We tend to not care of our own needs and ignore all signs of pain within that may be affecting how we love ourselves.  

There’s a famous RuPaul quote ‘If you don’t love yourself, how is anyone else’, well here’s 5 ways to improve your connection with yourself, that will eventually turn into self-love. 


Even though you may look like a mad woman, talking to yourself is a good way to connect and actively listen to your mental thought patterns. When you hold thoughts in our mind, it tends to create a clouded internal argument, where you’re unsure what’s the root of the issue.  It can be mentally unhealthy and reck havoc on your connection to your spirit.  Instead speak it out, if its negative talk, say it out slowly, so you can hear yourself say it out load, so you can question the thought and potentially realise that it is ridiculous, however if it is positive talk, you better sing/shout it out. Praise yourself as you’re doing it. This is an active way to get closer to your thought process.


Your body is a temple, it’s the only thing you really have that’s yours. So, it needs to be treated with kindness, and love. I know how hard it can be to stare at the mirror and don’t like what’s starring back, you may see yourself chubbier that you ever have (I blame lockdown and boredom) or you may be unhappy with what you’ve been blessed with. Trust, I know.! however, you can improve your relationship with your body. Working out and eating good may help you learn to love your body and become unapologetically shameless that you may want to flaunt it at any chance you get, trust and believe me sis.   When you take care of your body, it will repay you with a cinched in waist and flawless skin, no matter what your goal is. You could be the baddish bish you ever seen in your life.  Self-confidence on 100!


Comparisons can get in the way of things we do. It’s something that affects your mental health tremendously. This tip hits close to home because I do this regularly, unintentionally. It’s normal human behaviour! No matter how small the comparison may be, e.g ‘others have all the luck’ to ‘OMG! They got everything I don’t’, it will affect your growth, and extends the detachment from yourself. This one is a hard one, and I don’t have a solid tip, but all I can give you is, when you feel like you’re comparing yourself to someone, pause and list your accomplishments (aloud or written) and things that you’re proud of, showing gratitude to yourself. This may make you feel less insignificant, and more focused on your life goals.


Speaking of goals, it can be empowering to achieve the goals you may have set for yourself. Either it’s a milestone within your 5-year plan, setting mini accomplishments throughout the month, or a round of solo applause for daily aims achieved, these celebrations can improve your self-esteem and self-belief.  Setting written goals can help keep you on track to what you want and see how you can attain your goals. While you set these goals, you may discover areas of yourself you never knew, and it could take you on a journey to fully know and understand the person you were and now becoming. It could be your revelation of your self-excellence.

You may have noticed that I have mentioned in a few tips of these tips to say/ write things out. I feel that this is more effective to the great of your wellbeing as it more tangible than silently mentally talking. It is also seen as a form of manifestation.


As human, we innately have a sense of pride, and never want to show any signs of weakness, mistakes or wrongdoings, but yet we’re the first to point blame and not take full accountability. This again is human nature and may not be directed at you.  Allowing yourself to make mistakes can allow you to be vulnerable, it can allow you to shed your pride and ego, as both emotional characteristics can cause self-detachment. Allowing yourself to make mistakes can move you to a space to grow within, as you reflect and examine what went wrong and why, without punishing yourself. This is a good way to self-reflect and to understand that we all grow and learn from all mistakes, even if you’re not aware of it. 

Self-care, self-discovery and self-reflection will turn into self-love. You can be your biggest supporter or worst critic, when self-love is compromised. Finding your love within self is a journey of trials and tribulations, and don’t come easy, so this is not the end, look out for 

more to come x

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