February, the month of love and for us parents can sometimes just be another day at the office. Finding time for yourself is hard enough, let alone finding time to spend with your partner. (These babies can really steal our groove). Nevertheless, we have to put in the work. Relationships require constant effort,but also some spice and all things nice- if you know what I mean?!
Everyone has their own views on Valentine’s day, whether you are a hopeless romantic – like me, or think it is a load of nonsense. Put aside the origins and commercialisation and take the opportunity to spend some real QT with bae and make it a date. Ideally, we should be having regular date nights with our spouse, to strengthen our relationship. Of course, that is not always possible and even more difficult with lockdown. But before you became parents you were a couple first, so don’t forget that you are a couple too.
With that in mind, it is time to create a menu for romance.
Starters
Get those babies/ children to bed! Do whatever it takes to get them out of the way for a few hours or for the night. Bribe them if you have too (I don’t recommend this on a regular occasion but needs must in this instance). Whilst we all love our children and spending time with them, we also need some adult time, without them. We need to have an evening wherewe can relax. And let’s be honest, there is nothing relaxing about children running around the house like they have no home teaching.
With them in bed, its time for you, mamma, to get comfortable- but not too comfortable. Get loose and relax. There is nothing sexy or attractive about someone whosemind is preoccupied or frazzled and flustered. By the way, when I mean comfortable, I don’t mean put on your house clothes. It’s not that kind of party. I mean, put on an outfit that makes you feel fabulous. Put on some makeup if that’s your thing and make an effort. And please, take the headscarf off and style your hair- I’m guilty of this, so I’m really aiming this at myself.
I know, I know, we’re all at home with nowhere to go but that doesn’t mean we can’t slay at home. And we all need something to look forward to. Plus, our partners need to be reminded of how fabulous we are and sometimes we need reminding too. So, whether it is your LBD, some sexy lingerie or if you’re brave enough to rock your birthday suit, do you. Also, don’t forget to dose yourself up in some of your best perfume. Don’t be stingy, you deserve it, spray another quirt!
Now you’re looking good, smelling good and feeling great. Light some candles and load that playlist. My personal favourite is Joe (he’s my husband in my head), but you might be more old school or hardcore. Whatever sets the mood, do what works for you and your partner. Remember this evening is about you and your spouse not about how good it will look on the gram. In fact, I’m confiscated phones for the entire time. Put the phones away!
Main
Now for mains, this is you and your partner. This where you take this rare moment to indulge in each other’s presence. Where you put all the crap of the day and your current situations aside and just be two people in love. Yes, as parents you can be in love, how else did you become parents?
Stand in front of your partner and look at them. Really look at them. Look into their eyes and connect on a deep and emotional level. Use your eyes to convey how you feel about them. Look at them as your partner and not as a parent. And vice versa. Allow your partner to look at you too. Don’tspeak. Just look. Hold each other’s gaze. Take a few moments to appreciate one another and be still. Fall into each other’s presence and let the atmosphere do the talking. Don’t rush this act, really connect and be still. Really see them and let them see you. Be vulnerable and intimate with your partner. In this moment you are no longer parents but two individuals.
After communicating with your eyes, its now time to learn how to communicate your love for your partner. Yes, its learning your partners love language- and your own if you don’t already know it. Take it from me, learning your partners love language is so important. Everyone should get to know how their partner receives love. Getting to know how they receive love is important because there is no point in showering them with endless gifts when their love language is quality time. I’m saying this from experience. My love language is quality time and physical touch. Whereas the hubby’s is words of affirmation and gifts and we’ve had to learn the hard way.
I know the saying ‘treat others as you would want to be treated’ is what we’ve all been taught but, the way you want to be treated may not be the same for someone else. Therefore, treat others as they want to be treated. There are plenty of ways to find out your love languages, with quizzes and books, all allowing you to find out how you and your spouse want to receive love. Don’t sleep on love languages.
After all that looking into each other’s eyes and talking lurve, you guys need to eat.
Now, I don’t know about you, but the way to my heart is most definitely through my stomach (will actually it’s laughter but food is up there too!). Whether you want to treat yourselves to some of the usual aphrodisiacs to quench your appetite or some soul food then hit the kitchen.
If you like cooking, scroll through Pinterest for some ideas tocreate something new. Maybe your partner is the boss of the kitchen. If so, let them treat you to some good home cooking.You can even cook together. Alternatively, you both might decide that neither of you want to cook- that would be my preference. Then hit up Deliveroo or your local takeaway and let someone else do the hard work.
Once your food arrives, share and feed each other. I know you’re both grown, but yes, share your food by feeding each other. Sharing and feeding each other is a big sign of intimacy. In fact, according to research conducted byProfessor Paul Rozin there are actually four different levels of food sharing that expresses how romantic you are with your significant other- we learn something new every day.
Enjoy this child-free meal that allows you to actually eatwithout being disturbed by someone constantly asking you something, or a food war erupting between siblings. Do nottake this moment for granted. Enjoy!
Sides
Because who doesn’t love a side? Your sides could be playing games (twister is my favourite), a nice sensual massage, take part in online cocktail class or taking a bath together. Whatever you and your partner choose, have fun!
Dessert
So, you guys are all loved up and bellies are full, it’s time for dessert. We’re all grownups, so I’m pretty sure you know what dessert is referring to. You know cough-cough, the ‘happy ending’. (My mother will be reading this, so I won’tmake her blush and go into too much detail). However, have fun, try something new, switch it up and keep it sexy. But remember, if no more babies are on the cards, then I’d advise preventative measures. If not, congratulations?
Remember, you don’t need to wait until February 14th to do the above. Try and schedule time in whenever you can. It may be that you just take time to have a meal together- alone, or a bath together, or play a couple of cards games rather than dedicating a full-on evening date. Showing love and spending time with one another should be something that you’re both doing on a regular basis because we all need reminding that we’re loved.
And I’m not going to forget you single mums, because you need loving too. Just because you may not be in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t indulge in the festivities also. Take yourself out on a date (at home, of course). Take yourself to the bath, soak in some sensual bath salts, take the time toreally moisture your skin, no rush ting. Massage your skin. If you’re a wine drinker, pour yourself a glass of wine. If not, pure yourself your favourite drink. Order yourself a nice takeaway. Hit play on your Spotify list, sit back and enjoy the peace. Taking the time to love upon yourself is just as important as loving others.
Happy Valentine’s day all x
Millennial Femme 