Don’t lose yourself whilst searching for the one

Going from dates to dates and still no luck?

I remember talking to friends about not meeting someone or each time they turn out to be waste men or to politely put it F Boys! I’ve been on a few first dates and lot of stories to share which needs its own blog in itself.

What I soon came to realise was that I was going on dates with guys who I thought was the one but it was the idea of them that was appealing. I’m definitely not saying you have to settle, but it’s key to distinguish what you’re infatuated with verses what you actually need and what will make you happy. I think some men smell desperation from far and play on that.  

So, below are a few things I’ve learnt along the way whist dating and how not to lose yourself during the process.

Laugh and have fun

Literally, have fun and I don’t mean to sleep around but go on dates with the mindset to get know your potential partner. Put aside “is he going to be the father of my kids and my future husband” just for a second. I think one of the biggest mistakes women make or at least I’ve made is that you go in all guns blazing. Instead just get to know the guy, is he friendly, how does he treat people and so on? Notice the smalls things that will truly matter whilst in a relationship and that ultimately make it grow. Is he telling jokes, are you generally having a good time and laughing? Once you get pass that stage, I think you have some hint if he’s worth a second date.

A moment to seek solace and peace with yourself

There’s no greater time to work on yourself, do the things you love, and get to know who you are. After I broke up with my ex, I decided to get my own flat and living alone was some of the best times of my life. It was the point I would actually become a woman. I found my independence, learnt to be happy alone and enjoy my own company. During my single years I had seen a counsellor to deal with issues that affected my choices of men I dated and I’m truly grateful I took the moment to seek peace.

Take a break

Taking time to reflect on what you want in a relationships is key when dating. After some time to reflect and of course not stressing over what to wear on a date you’ll be a able to rule out who isn’t for you and define what you want in a relationship. It’s such a refreshing moment, and I’m a firm believer in people walk into your life when you lease expect it. Often when you get so busy going from date to date you’ll begin lose sight, frustration kicks in and you just don’t have fun anymore. It probably starts to feel like a chore, rather than getting excited to meet someone new. At that point is when you should just delete all dating apps or just avoid meeting men for a while unless one fine man just walks into your life.

Stories to share with the girls

I’m sure we all have entertaining dating stories to share with our friends. The interesting part of it all is that you really get to meet some characters, some you may wish to never meet again. Your friends are your support system to share these priceless moments and they live through you whilst dating. Good friends offer that  sound board to rail you back in when things are not going right.

I know you’ve heard it all before, but it really is a matter of time. Ask yourself this question, would you rather meet someone to settle who isn’t for you, or meet someone later who is for you? When you meet the one, you would know, there’s not much second guessing and he’s not messing you around.

So keep doing you, trust your timing and when the right guy comes it will be effortless.

Roniqua is the owner of @soufriereliving a motivational wall art print business. She enjoys sharing her experiences about relationships and life ensures she provides a positive outlook to others.

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