Let it go: Seeking validation from others

‘Finding oneself whilst seeking approval from others means the murder of oneself’ – Unknown

Validate: to recognise or affirm the validity or worth of (a person or their feelings or opinions); cause (a person) to feel valued or worthwhile.

Many of us are susceptible to seeking validation externally more than we seek it internally, most of the time that’s due to our daily life experiences. The lack of internal validation can lead to the build up of insecurities and has been proven to be detrimental to your personal performance in many areas of your life.

The most common areas we tend to seek validation from are:

  • Family
  • Friendship groups
  • Romantic Relationships
  • Society (social media, work etc)

These are areas we encounter daily and are known to have major influences on us.

*disclaimer: These are only some common factors and may vary from person.*

I previously sought validation from all of the above and it wasn’t until I did not get the fulfilment from the validation that I was looking for, I realised that I was looking for validation in the wrong place. The whole time I was relying on people when in reality I should’ve been looking within. I would end up in situations where I was constantly reminded of my need for validation instead of feeling accepted. I had to recognise my own efforts, be the one to congratulate myself and pat myself on the back. Redirecting that energy towards myself had many benefits as I no longer had to put this responsibility onto anyone else. It forced me to become more accountable with my own feelings.

Although it’s not easy, we can quickly fall into moments where we’re relying on our surroundings to give us that validation. While we may get that temporary high, It’s almost always short lived. There is true beauty in finding that familiar affirmation within yourself, all you have to do is to recognise it within. You want to build the security with yourself first before you go out and look for the security from others.

When you’re learning to validate yourself, it’s OK to start small. Start by noticing the small things like getting to work on time, how beautiful you are, sticking to your diet (lol). These are everyday moments but by you noticing the effort yourself, it could make a big difference to how you feel. We need to train ourselves to be more accepting and see ourselves the way we want others to see us. Only we can change that.

So let’s start redirecting that validation inwards and holding our own opinions of ourselves with high regards. It’s only then we can step into our true potential.


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